Nazenani Horizon Part 2 – Toori’s decision

There is a plaza made of stone.

There is a fountain in the center, and it is surrounded by tall buildings, a plaza in the middle of a main street.

Two shadows sat on the stone make of the fountain. A boy and a girl. The girl, an automata with silver hair, wore a hat with feather decorations along with a sleeveless British uniform, while the boy wore a black, Far East uniform.

The girl looked around at the festival carts lining the sides of the plaza,

“Now, we have come all the way around back to the center of the city, so what shall we do. Toori-sama.”

“Jud., alright listen Horizon. –according to nee-chan’s manual, now that I’m sitting beside you, I subtly place my arm around your shoulder, and whisper something that fits the mood!”

He said, and Horizon placed an elbow to Toori’s shoulder. With her narrowed eyes, she looked at him,

“Arm around shoulder. Yes yes, like this. … And? Toori-sama, is this fun? What sort of mood is this currently? Now, please.”

“S- shit, I feel like a loser dog mood–!”

However, Toori pulled out a B5-size sheep-skin date manual from his coat pocket. He looked down at it,

“That’s weird. According to nee-chan’s orders we should have kissed three times by now.”

“To be frank, even if Kimi-sama’s battle plan is correct, you are not executing it properly.
See, here, ‘look good at the firing range and increase favor points,’ but earlier some fool couldn’t hit anything and went, ‘that’s odd, does this thing really have bullets?’ and peered into the gun and the employees all took off and ran.
Because, no matter how you want to spin it, that looked only like some fool couldn’t hit anything and wanted to commit suicide.”

“Huh? I thought that got some laughs but was I wrong? The shopkeep even gave us a stuffed animal. See, the ‘evil fairy teletubby Akako,’ the food-eating version.”

“Seeing as how that fairy was recreated from the records discovered in the ruins, Britain is quite a deep and fascinating place.”

However, Toori looked at the warnings written by the girls in the manual. Yet most of them amounted to “if you do anything weird you’re getting punished.”

Hmm, Toori leaned back and took a breath, then looked at Horizon.

“Right now, there’re no bothersome people nor straightmen, so I feel like I’m in an advantageous position, but what do you think?”

“Jud., there are no buffers nor places to run from Horizon’s attacks. To somehow believe that this reality is advantageous for you, is quite worrisome.”

“… huh? For Horizon…”

Toori asked. You know, he scratched his head, and feeling awkward,

“For Horizon, is everyone else –on my side?”

———————-

Horizon quietly replied to Toori’s question.

“I have not had a long-enough relation to distinguish between sides. However, currently, Horizon’s friends, as according to confirmed acknowledgement, would only be the kuromo (the black balls) and Masazumi-sama.”

———————-

“–Jud., automata are specifically designed to help people.”

At that, Toori’s face broke into a smile. But, Horizon furrowed her brows,

“… what’s with that face, how inexplicable.”

“Horizon is Horizon, I thought.”

“Jud., logically that is true and cannot be false. However, Toori-sama, why–“

Horizon began asking.

“Horizon determines based on pattern, but why do you create the expression of a smile? Toori-sama.”

———————-

“–why I smile when Horizon is Horizon?”

I don’t really know, Toori said while smiling.

“It’s the same as eating, Horizon.”

? Horizon tilted her head to the side, and then tilted her head to the other side, and then,

“Eating… when you eat, it is lost.”

Then, she stood up. She looked around the festival carts scattered about the plaza, then greeted Toori,

“– this festival will not continue forever, either. It will end, then disappear. … No, Horizon determines that there is nothing that does not end. Similarly, even if you have a relationship like a friend, for instance due to graduation or moving, as soon as distance is created the friendship tends to change.
And, including all of those, everything, makes you sad, when they are lost.
And to gain, to go, to engage in such things, is there a meaning to it?
Horizon does not want to become sad. Then what Horizon should do is to live a conservative, repetitive life. With a minimal amount of human relationships, with the minimal amount of meaning, … is that not enough?”

She took a breath.

“Toori-sama wants Horizon to become interested in emotions.
However, emotions are born toward existence. –There is an assumption that you have a relationship with something. And, the emotion of sadness, is born out of the loss of said relationship. At the end of every relationship remains loss, and this cannot be avoided. Then–“

Then,

“That which requires relationships – ’emotions’ – Horizon cannot think of it as necessary.
To have a relationship with someone, with something, will inevitably lead to different paths which leads to sadness.
And Horizon does not want to gain sadness, so Horizon rejects everything else. Other emotions, relations with people and things, Horizon rejects everything. –So how is it?”

Horizon asked.

“If you are left with loss and sorrow in the end, what reason is there to have emotions, to have relations for emotions?”

———————-

Horizon asked.

“Toori-sama lost Horizon once.
Horizon reasons that you must have felt sorrow, –how is it?”

She asked.

“If you are with Horizon, then eventually, you will lose Horizon, then be sad.
Even so, does Toori-sama seek to have a relationship with Horizon?”

She said, as she looked at Toori.

However, he was not where she looked, on the stone fountain. Where, she thought, and then she noticed that she was sitting on the stone tiling. It seemed he was trying to tie a string from the stuffed animal they’d received to one of her hardpoints on her hip,

“Stop. –It is unnecessary for Horizon.”

“Why?”

“–It will eventually be lost, and is unnecessary for living, so Horizon has no need for it.”

“Tsk, if you said it will eventually be lost, I was going to negotiate using the tactic of not needing clothes…”

Hmmhmm, he nodded, and he finished tying the stuffed animal to her. As she thought that an unnecessary weight had been placed on her – however light – Toori stood and smiled.

“You know, honestly, even if you were to take good care of this, it’ll become all dusty within a month, …and after a while you might not even want to look at it anymore and throw it away.”

“Jud., then, what meaning is there to such a thing? It’s just forcing sadness upon Horizon.”

Right, Toori said. However,

“But, you’ll remember that you received this, that you had it on you, right? from here on forth.”

“Jud., automata memory is perfect. Yes, –during preparation of the school festival, you kept staring at Masazumi-sama’s butt as she climbed the ladder, a total of twenty three times.”

“Wrong it was 25, the 7th and 15th happened while you were go-, s, sorry sorry Horizon-sama, … wait my memory’s pretty good too isn’t it?”

“Hoho, I see you are trying to change the subject.”

“Y- you’re the one who changed it!!”

“–within acceptable bounds. So, … Horizon’s memory, however, what is the meaning of that?”

Right, Toori scratched his head.

“I can’t really explain myself well, but. When you died once before, I was pretty down? But, nee-chan and the other brutes helped me get back on my feet.
That was when I realized something.”

That was,

“Even with you, whenever something happened I realized I thought, ‘if Horizon were here, she would do this, and then say this.'”

“Then?”

Jud., Toori said.

“Even if you’re nowhere, you’re with me.”

———————-

Toori answered.

“When there’s loss, of course you’re sad. Because we have the emotion of sorrow.
But even when I was just a kid, by having relations with you, by talking to you, by brushing by you, by spending time with you, I could know what type of person you are.
Because we had such a relationship, even when you disappeared, I wasn’t just sad. Even after that, …the you that I know stayed by my side.”

But, he said. And he glanced at the sky,

“I, grew taller, but I’m still dumb, but the guys around me, they became really mature.
What the Horizon inside me could do, wanted to do, everyone started being able to do, and you know, forget once, after several times, I started to, you know, think.
Maybe I should let Horizon free.
The Horizon who was with me as a kid, who stayed by my side when I was sad,  couldn’t be with me for much longer, … and it’s not like I could just magically fix that.
So, after gathering the Logismoi Oplo, after giving them back to the Horizon inside me, I decided that I would give the old me to Horizon.”

“The old me, you say…?”

What do you mean, she asked, and Toori nodded.

“Next to the tombstone for you, I would place another one, –and I would continue living the next me.
Not starting over. Continuing. Just that, I would say thank you to the old me and to you, to try to find a new person like you.”

Don’t tell anyone though, Toori said.

“I haven’t told anyone what I just said. … though, to be honest they probably figured.”

“Jud., I understand. It is also no longer necessary. However–“

However, Horizon said.

“… in other words, Toori-sama wants a relationship with Horizon, because even if Horizon is lost, you can store in your memories all of Horizon’s action patterns?
That even if Horizon is lost, you can create a replica in your mind.”

Then, she placed her fingers on the stuffed animal by her waist.

“In order to maintain a minimal relationship, a single instance of a reaction to every incident is sufficient. Then, after gathering all information, Horizon is free to die.”

“Nah, that’s wrong.”

Toori said, still smiling.

“We’re not having fun so that you can die. It’s the opposite.
If you have fun, even if someone dies, you naturally get the extra change.”

“However.”

Horizon said.

“– how can you get the feeling of fun?”

———————-

Horizon stated.

“The Logismoi Oplo gave Horizon the negative feeling of sadness.
The Logismoi Oplo did not give Horizon a positive emotion.
Then,  even if we were to gather the Logismoi Oplo, Horizon will be filled with negative emotions.”

Then,

“– I don’t need them.”

She said, and then,

“—“

She cried.

It appears that she was weak to the word unnecessary, Horizon determined. The Logismoi Oplo were created using her emotions as a base, so if that is a negative emotion, then she thought even if it belonged to her, she did not want it.

Believing that rejecting herself was correct, yet she felt that if she rejected herself, then who would accept her? However,

“That’s why we’re returning your emotions to you, Horizon.”

“…?”

She wiped away her tears and looked at him, and saw that he had stuck a few roasted apples from a nearby cart in a bag and bought them.

She accepted one, and placed it in her mouth to forget her tears,

“Good?”

Jud., Horizon nodded. And then she thought of responding to her question,

“It has strong acidity, but when it’s roasted, the sweetness also becomes strong. –Horizon can determine that this falls under delicious.”

Alright, Toori gave the old man behind the cart a thumbs up. The old man also raised his thumb and smiled. And then the storekeep took a green apple from a basket,

“Here, if this is your first time tasting these, take one that’s not roasted, too. If you like it, head over to the market. Though if you’re eating it raw I recommend eating it with a salad, so take a look at the vegetables, too.

Also, –don’t  make girls cry, brother.”

Aye aye, Toori caught the apple that was thrown to him, and then patted Horizon’s shoulder. And then he turned his back to her as if he meant to walk around the plaza.

“Do you hate negative emotions, Horizon?”

“Jud., –Sorrow alone, is sufficiently painful.”

“Then you have positive emotions, Horizon.”

“Why?”

Because, he continued.

“If you only have negative emotions, you wouldn’t struggle against it – you’d accept it. And then you’d soak yourself in it.
But you’re struggling against it. That means you have positive emotions.”

“Then.”

Horizon hit him with a question she’d asked herself many a time. Placing a hand over her breast,

“What exactly is a positive emotion!?”

She took a breath,

“What is the positive emotion that Horizon simultaneously gained with the negative emotion?”

In response to her question, well, she did get a response. That was, his, while scratching his head,

“Well to be honest, I don’t really know myself-“

I want to punch you, Horizon honestly thought.

<Insert pigeon scene here>

“Hey, Horizon”

“What is it?”

She asked back, with the sound of pigeons flapping their wings firmly in her ears, and he shot back another question.

“– Are you, feeling sad right now?”

———————-

Horizon tilted her head at his question. Of course she wasn’t feeling sad, how could she be? What exactly is he asking, she thought, as she answered,

“I am not sad, … but why?”

“Then, Horizon.”

His smile broadened as he spoke.

“If you’re not sad, it means you’re happy, Horizon.”

———————-

I think, Toori thought to himself. But, however,

“Probably, because you started from zero, you don’t realize it. That not having anything is normal. But, that’s actually not true. Emotions react to everything and anything, you know.”

“… is that so?”

THat is so.

“Immediately, man, immediately! When you’re walking next to me and your breasts jiggle pewwwww! When I see the sides of your breasts through your armpits boooom! When you crouch and your legs- s, sorry I got carried away…!”

“Hurry up and keep talking.”

Yes yes, Toori did a quick standing prostrate as he continued.

“Whether the emotions from the great sins are giving you the emotion of rejection, or whether the great sins are just reacting to emotions that were within you from the start I don’t know.
But you have an emotion, a will to struggle against the emotions of the great sins.”

“Then the emotion toward sadness–“

Yeah, Toori thought about the past. About an answer to Horizon’s question. That was,

“To wish for happiness, which isn’t sadness. Which is like, thinking of nothing happening as happiness, which is a really foolish and luxurious emotion I think, but that’s probably–“

He couldn’t explain it very well, but,

“As usual, I think, isn’t it.”

———————-

“As usual…”

It was hard to understand his expression, but she understood what he meant.

That feeling of relief, after being freed from the a state of sorrow, was probably what he meant.

… Like–.

Like when she’d gained the feeling of sorrow, when she realized the meaning behind losing her father, and crumbled. He had stayed by her side then, so,

… she was able to withstand it, was she allowed to say that?

Even now she would sometimes think of her father, and beat herself up over why she felt nothing whenever she crossed paths with him. However,

… Horizon–.

She lifted her arms, and the flock of pigeons that rested on them. And their flapping of wings hid her expression as Horizon asked.

“A Horizon that does not crumble and cry and scream over losing her father, as she did the first time… is a cruel person, is she not?”

“A parent that demands the child to keep crying and screaming is really mafioso, no? And if I can say another thing, don’t parents say? –don’t cry forever.”

She could definitively hear his words through the beating of wings.

“If you aren’t crying anymore, it means you’re fighting against the sadness.
And your father didn’t die to make you sad.
He said to gather your emotions and save the end of the world.”

“Then Horizon…”

“Don’t rush yourself, Horizon. Actors who jump at the first opportunity to use a joke can’t use the joke well.
… wait, that means me doesn’t it? Because I jumped at the Logismoi Oplo immediately upon seeing it at Mikawa!? Seriously!?”

 “…..”

“… ah, are you angry!? You’re angry, Horizon!”

“I said I don’t have the emotion of anger. What is this boy going on about.”

“I feel like you’re really angry!!”

In any case, Horizon mumbled. The apple lost its shape, and she felt the weight of the pigeons that stopped flapping their wings,

“Regardless of what sort of negative emotion I may get, Horizon has positive emotions to struggle against it, … and right now, because I started from zero, I just don’t realize it?”

“Jud., because, no one can laugh just by being told to laugh. It’s the same thing.”

You know, he said.

“Let’s make a grave for your dad. When you’ve calmed down a bit.
I’ll say it again, but your dad didn’t die to make you sad. So you don’t need to feel sad, but we’re going to be busy with fun things from now on, so let’s make a grave to make a visible sign to remember your mafioso dad. And when you’ve got time to spare, look at it and feel sad.
And when you stop being sad, go greet him at Bon or New Years or whatnot, and talk to him.
— Lately I’ve been having fun doing this or that. Or can I do the reporting, as his son in law!? F- father!!”

This boy sometimes went into his own little world and didn’t come back, and this was one of those times.

In any case, she gazed at him with the pigeons, and eventually he seemed to have come back,

“- wow! Perfect! … like that! Right!?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

There there, the fool said. And then he continued,

“You’re fine, Horizon. You’ll be able to fight off any negative emotion. After all, your dad was mafioso, so he added Rebellious Age II with extra toppings.
Then all that’s left is for you to want to fight off any negative emotion.”

“If I fight them off, what happens?”

“I said it before, didn’t I? –Once you’ve gotten everything back, all that’s left is for you to gain a lot of happiness.”

“That’s–“

Is that good, Horizon thought?

Could she be able to overcome crumbling to sorrow?

She could not know. Their conversation was made up entirely of assumptions and predictions, and had nothing conclusive. That was when no matter how many answers they come up with, she could not make any judgment. Furthermore,

“Can Horizon, … for the sake of her own selfish wants, add to the war of the world?”

“Who knows. I mean, I don’t know.
If we gather the Logismoi Oplo which were made using your emotions, then we can save the world. That’s why, that’s already enough for you to join in retrieving the Logismoi Oplo, I think anyways.”

However,

“You want to avoid people dying, countries being demolished over your want of emotions, right?’

Jud., Horizon nodded. Because,

“The grief when father died, I would be spreading it for my selfishness.
Horizon can determine that this thought process is paradoxical.”

“Right? So, just think about it.”

“About what?”

“Jud., if, if, right? If you want to gather the Logismoi Oplo, and by gathering them you can save people from sadness and negative emotions–“

He took a deep breath.

“Then, you can war.”

———————-

 “—“

As opposed to her, who’d been rendered speechless, the fool seemed not to understand the magnitude of his words, as he suggested it like a quick idea.

“It doesn’t matter when. If you feel like you can do that, at any time, just tell us.
Until then, we’ll be fighting a war on our own. If you can accept yourself, and can stand on your feet, then tell us that you want to war with us.
And at that time, probably, we’ll really, truly be — together.”

Horizon could not immediately reply to his words.

Would it be possible for her to save anything by wanting war?

Just when would it be that she could find confirmation of that saving?

She did not know.

She did not know, but Horizon crafted words.

The thoughts that she’d gained her. That there are means of fighting back against sadness, that she has positive emotions. And including that there was space for her to find meaning to war, what she should say here, was neither rejection nor acceptance, but,

“Horizon will defer judgment, but –Toori-sama, what will you do?”

“Yeah, I’ve decided. Now, sort of.”

“… what?”

“I’m warring.”

 Because, he smiled and sounded happy.

“You won’t lose to Great Sins. Then, I want to see you when you have all your emotions back.”

“– even if Horizon does not want that?”

That’s a dumb question, he said.

“Who cares. If that causes you to hate me, then that just means I go back to the start. –After I return everything to you, I’ll continue the next me somewhere.
It was a short time, but it was a lot of fun, I’d think. I would say thank you to you and all the idiots that helped me, and then go look for a new person like you.”

Alright? he said.

“I’m doing this all of my own accord. –I decided. I’d decided. Since when I killed you. And since when I saw you again.”

And then,

“That’s my way of exorcising my greatest sadness.”

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